Absolutely Nothing

I feel like I needed to update my blog, but I don't feel like I have anything blog-worthy to say. Right now, things are just going along. No real news to report. And, seriously, not complaining about that. I remember when I was in college; me and my roommates used to watch Melrose Place. And, I remember having a conversation about how interesting a drama-filled, soap opera life would be. Oh, I was so young and naive. Drama is NOT a good thing. As I write this blog, as boring as it may be, it is the best I've felt in a very long time. Drama-free world here. And, I'm loving it. No work drama. No family drama. No relationship drama. No friend drama. I'm simply enjoying my everyday life. Right now, it is a slow moving and totally boring life. I'm catching up on reading books that I wanted to read. I've started a few condo makeovers in the dining room/kitchen area. I'm working a very stress free job. And, I'm loving every minute of it. Do I think it will last? Hell no. But, I will enjoy the low peaks in my life as I throw my feet up on my desk, rest my hands crossed behind my head and breathe out...."Ahhhhhh"

;o)

The Writing on the Wall

I participated in my first Pancreatic Cancer Walk called Purple Stride today with friends and family. It was nice to see all the people come out to support a desperately under-funded Cancer Research and Awareness benefit. The first ever walk in DFW had an initial goal of raising $80,000. We blew past that quickly, so they raised their goal to $150K. Final total of the monies raised was more than $183,000. We placed a picture of my Mom on the Memory wall and wrote a short note to the world. With more than 800 registered walkers/runners, it was overwhelming to see so many people that have been affected by this nasty disease. Overwhelming and Sad at the same time. But, it also felt good to write on the wall. It felt good to see my family and friends support this effort. It felt good to know that our parents would be very proud. Last November, my Dad wanted to do a benefit himself but it wasn't meant to be. He had a heart attack and open heart surgery instead. This year, we walked for both of them. For my Mom, who fought a gallant fight. And, my Dad, who wanted to raise money for research in memory of the woman he loved.

"We Love You, Mom. In Memory of Nancy Turner"

;o/

Randomness

I've been working a lot as a substitute teacher lately. One day I work with first graders and the next I will be at the high school. It is interesting to see the the differences in grades at school and also helping me with deciding which grade I want to teach. I had, without a doubt, decided that I do not want to teach below 3rd grade. There is just too much crying. Them and me!

I have also decided to do some work at home. I am starting a new project Nov. 16th. Should be interesting and I love the idea of working at home. I seem to "Not work well with others". I really suck at sharing my crayons. Actually, I have a problem with co-workers that don't do shit. I really do. I have a really good work ethic and I think the person siting next to me, getting paid the same, so do the same amount of work. Corporate America does not seem to think so. Most managers will resist conflict as long at I (and others) pick up of the slack. I don't agree with that philosophy, so I removed myself from "the office".

The holiday are looming. I say this with a big sigh...My first year without the parents. Not really looking forward to this time of the year. I wish to fast forward to January. I doubt I will get this wish. So, I try to figure it all out. And, I expect I will fail. But, alas, I don't expect me to get it right the first time anyway. So, I will try to do the best I can given the circumstances.

Lastly, we really need to stop killing each other. That sucks ass! Put your guns down people!

;o)

Tonight, I Miss the Glue

Today was Halloween. Not an important holiday in the grand scheme of things, really. But, a holiday, nonetheless. I woke (well, I didn't really sleep) with a head cold. I had plans for the day, but those were erased by the immune system engulfed in germ warfare. I suspect I got the cold from one of the germy little kids at school that insisted on giving me a hug or coughing in my face as they told me a very important story. YES, I am THAT awesome! I so wanted to sleep all day and then call my parents for sympathy. But, I knew that was not going to happen. So, I survived. I went to CVS and got more medicine. I did catch a nap with Riley and Claire. Yet, I still feel like crap. How is that a Mom, on the other end of the phone, can make you feel so much better?!! She was the glue. If I could have called her, she would have told me all about my sisters and their plans. I would have known all about my nephews and how they were spending Halloween. I would have seen pictures (later) and heard all the stories. I miss the glue that keep our family together.

Today, feeling a little better than craptastic, I miss the glue.


;o(

Meet Kim

One day you wake up and realize that your life is not what you wanted. You graduate from high school and college. You get a full time job with benefits. You work to gain that promotion. You buy a nice car and clothes. You get that title. Then, you realize that this is it. The alarm rings at 6am and you groan. Not because of the early hour, but the day you must face. This isn't what you wanted. Your parents worked so hard so you could go to college and make a better life for yourself. So, you do. But, is is better? More money, more things...yes! Happier?!! I wanted to make my parents proud. I wanted to show them that putting me through college was money well spent. I did what I thought they wanted. Suddenly, you realize that you had it all wrong. They did not want you to be unhappy. Ever. They thought a better job, better education and more opportunities would make you happy. You Happy. I've been working so hard to make them happy and all they wanted was for ME to be happy. I had it all wrong. They want me to be happy. I don't know where this road will lead. But, I'm very excited to find out. And, I am going to do exactly what my parents wanted. I am going to be happy.

Meet Kim. (Yeah, I stole this post from the movie "Meet Bill". SFW!!)

;o)

Cuz it changed me...mmmmkay?

http://pancan.kintera.org/psdfw09/BetterDay

In November, I will be walking in the Purple Stride DFW 2009. Actually, I will make it an annual event. Prior to my mom's diagnosis of Pancreatic Cancer, I had no idea what a pancreas did for us. Now, I'm an expert. What I am not an expert at is why the cancer is so deadly. It was a death sentence for my mom and so many others. I searched the world wide web for days on end for one freaking (I wrote fucking but I knew my mom would not approve) word of hope. So, come November, I walk for hope. She is gone. No bringing her back. But, everyday, many people are given the news. And, one day, we will give them hope. Tomorrow......yes, tomorrow WILL be a better day!

Please help me and my family honor my mother and give hope to an unknown family. We walk for hope!!! And, your donation....whatever the $ amount will support us in our endevour. Cancer changed me and my family. Don't let it change yours! Donate today! Give all of us H.O.P.E. Such a small word. Such a small sacrafice (your daily latte). Donate $5, today. Please and know that I will mark your donation forever in my heart! Thank you.

http://pancan.kintera.org/psdfw09/BetterDay

I smile ;o) because of her!

Questions??

I know that you are tired of hearing of my losses. Everyone has losses. But, I truly think that it has defined me. It has changed the core of me. And, you can't just let that pass you by without contemplating the meaning of things, right? I've grown up since I've lost my parents. I have. I was always a mama's girl. And, she loved taking care of us. So, I let her. Then, she passed away. And, I was confused. Who am I know? I really didn't have time to work through that. My Dad needed me. I can still remember helping my Mom into bed and her saying "take care of your Dad". My younger sister, Sherri, was in the room. I can see it perfectly. That moment that stops time. My Mom never talked about her cancer like it was the end. Never. But, I remember this moment so vividly. She knew. And, it was her way of telling us that she knew. I think my sister and I stopped to catch our breath. We stood there frozen. And, both agreed (without a doubt) that we would. Did I? Did I do the best that I could? Did I take care of him the way that she asked us to that day? It was the one and only time that she talked of her not being there. And, I shook my head in agreement. I will. We will. Don't worry. Just get into bed. Let me cover you up so you can get warm. Don't worry.

I'm Good!

THE HEART OF LIFE
by john mayer

I hate to see you cry
Laying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
But then the circle of your firends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good

I know it's good





Smiling as I write...."I'm good."


Really!

;o)

Liar, Liar

In January of 2006, I got the phone call.

Cancer.

But, the doctors told us it wasn't. Sucker punch to the stomach. It is hard to remember the "me" before that phone call. I drove home that Friday. A month later, I wanted to spend my birthday with my family and be with her. Day one of my my Mom's chemo, Monday. Driving back to Dallas, I was hit by a semi-truck and totaled my new car with my aunt in the car. The next day? My sister was t-boned on a highway. Her car also totaled. The chemo was working. My dad needed knee surgery. She said do it now. He had the surgery. But, he could not come out of the anesthesia. He had lithium toxicity. No one knew. He was dying. Come home. What? My mom is the one with terminal cancer. Two months later, a nurse saw it. He was saved! The knee surgery never worked. No therapy. She had to carry on. Christmas. Winter. Ice. She put salt down. She fell and broke her hip. The phone call. The pins in her hip caused her to postpone the chemo. She heeled. Back to normal. But, my grandma died. Back home. The chemo ate her skin. My Mom cried that she had to wear house shoes to her funeral. Visit to Dallas for Thanksgiving. She was so tired and cold. Christmas. She needed blood. Mom and Dad missed Christmas Eve. We carried on for the grand kids (because that is what she wanted). January, back in the hospital. I drove home. She looked good and was positive. Back to Dallas. Two days later, I got the call. My sister. Come home. Fly into KC Thursday morning. She let go, at home surrounded by family and friends, on Saturday. Lost. We carried on for Dad. Summer, sister called. Dad had a heart attack. He needed open heart surgery since five of his arteries were clodded. Again, he had trouble recovering. He needs to go to a nursing home. Huh?! I went home. He got better. His brother died. Why?! We don't know. It was so sudden. My aunt's cancer is back; one year from the exact date of my mom's death. Confirmed. She is so young. Dad is coming to Dallas for a visit. The text from my sister...have you heard from Dad? NO! He (and Bailey-their dog) had a car accident two hours from home. Mom came and got him. We never saw him again. Back to work. But, Aunt Bev is not doing well. The cancer has spread. I want to say good-bye. I was so close.

Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Breathe. Just breathe.

I know people have wondered. They have looked at me like I was making this stuff up. This was my life for the past couple of years. I was lost and on auto-pilot. I can't imagine what the it was like to meet me in the middle of all of this; never knowing the me before all this "life" happened.

For those that have been there for everyone of these moments, I heart you. I have soooo much love for each and everyone of you. You will never know how much you mean to me! The new "me" is finding her way. Watch out! I will carry on!

You have to experience darkness to truly appreciate the light.


;o)

And the wind blows............

I have always told people that I feel my Mom in the wind. It is very odd. I know. But, I do.

Today, my parent's house sold. There are so many conflicting feelings going on inside of me right now. I am happy that it sold and that my sisters and I can get closure. But, I am also very, very sad that it is over. Final! Done! Over! This is it! My sister called and told me that the couple that won the bid was very happy. Apparently, they wanted to buy the house when my parents listed it several years ago. But, alas, they couldn't afford it. Said couple was not married and both had houses of their own. His house sold. Hers? On the market for over two years.

It sold this week.

Coincidence? I don't know. I think that my parents loved this place. I mean L.O.V.E.D. this place. It was their dream house. I don't think they were going to give it to just anyone. The new owners hugged when they won the bid today. She cried. I cried. We cried.

And, the wind blows................

;o)(

Caught on Tape

Obama called Kanye a "Jackass". I love it!!


'nuff said.

I heart Taylor Swift

Kanye West is a Douche. But, the way to reinforce childish-immature behavior is to give him the attention he is seeking. So, instead of talking about what an immature asshole KW is, I will discuss Taylor Swift. I heart Taylor Swift. I admittedly like some of her songs. Really. They are fun. But, mostly, I like the person. When asked what her thoughts of last night:

"Well, I was standing on stage because I was really excited because I had just won the award. And then I was really excited because Kanye West was on stage. And then I wasn't so excited anymore after that."

And, does she harbor any ill-will:

"I don't know him, and I've never met him, so… I don't want to start anything because I had a great night tonight."

Classy.

It IS really sad that a 19 year old girl has more maturity and class than a grown ass man. I hope Taylor continues down this road. I certainly hope she does not take the path of Train-wreck Lindsay or Brittany. She's just a teen-aged girl full of passion. Did you see her rendition of JT's "What goes around?" That girl banged in out on the piano and knocked it out of the park. The girl has a lot of soul. I can't wait to see and hear what she does next. Congrats on the win! Way to go, Taylor Swift!

I'm sorry....kanye who?

;o)

I Miss You

I had lunch at chic-fil-a today. Across from me was a little boy with his grand-parents. I suspect that he was about two years old and he was eating an ice cream cone. And, the grandparents waited. And, waited until he was completely done with his cone. He didn't care. He just kept licking the cone. And, they waited. Breathing in every second. At least, I hope they were. I heard my parents in them. Their grandchildren were so special to them. So, I sat there and listened. I miss them. It was bitter-sweet. My nephews were their special boys! And, I wish they would have got to know them better. I wish they would remember how special they were to my parents. Just another moment when you wish with everything inside of you that your parents were still here.


I miss you Mom and Dad.



:o(

Teacher! Teacher!

I haven't blogged lately because I've been so busy trying to get my life back on track. I think that when you lose your parents, you begin to think about your own morality. You know you are going to die. Duh. But, most of us believe that it will be so far off, that we don't need to think about it. When death is so much a part of your life (like my last 2 years), you begin to think more about tomorrow and the fact that it may not come. So, that being said, I've made some decisions that will effect my future....or lack there of...lol. There are no guarantees that tomorrow will come. So, I decided that it was time to put my plan into action. I wanted to get my alternative certification for awhile, but fear kept me stuck in my cubicle chair for month after month. After I lost my Dad in a car accident, it became apparent that I need to more forward with goals. So, today I was accepted into an Alternative certification program in Texas. Over the next few years, I will be working on making this a reality. And, I am excited about this next chapter. I'll keep you updated.

Also, My Aunt, who has cancer, is not doing well. Send all positive thoughts and prayers her way....send whatever you can.....our family needs it. Thanks.


Cautiously optimistic.

;o0

I Rescued A Human Today

I rescued a human today.

Her eyes met mine as she walked down the corridor peering apprehensively into the kennels. I felt her need instantly and knew I had to help her. I wagged my tail, not too exuberantly, so she wouldn't be afraid.

As she stopped at my kennel I blocked her view from a little accident I had in the back of my cage. I didn't want her to know that I hadn't been walked today. Sometimes the shelter keepers get too busy and I didn't want her to think poorly of them.

As she read my kennel card I hoped that she wouldn't feel sad about my past. I only have the future to look forward to and want to make a difference in someone's life. She got down on her knees and made little kissy sounds at me. I shoved my shoulder and side of my head up against the bars to comfort her.


Gentle fingertips caressed my neck; she was desperate for companionship. A tear fell down her cheek and I raised my paw to assure her that all would be well.

Soon my kennel door opened and her smile was so bright that I instantly jumped into her arms. I would promise to keep her safe. I would promise to always be by her side. I would promise to do everything I could to see that radiant smile and sparkle in her eyes. I was so fortunate that she came down my corridor. So many more are out there who haven't walked the corridors. So many more to be saved. At least I could save one.

I rescued a human today.

Author:Janine Allen CPDT

As the economy suffers, so do innocent animals. Our shelters are full. Please, find it in your heart to adopt your next family member at your local animal shelter. And, if you can't adopt at this time, donate. Save a life today.

;-)

I Love Boys Who Like Pink

My cat, Claire, loves to sleep in Riley's dog bed. So, I thought I should really get her one of her own. I trot (actually drove) to the pet store and find a great kitty bed. It's nice and small with little sheep on it. And, it's pink. She will love it! But, she didn't. Oddly, Riley loves it. He is way too big for it. But, he squishes his entire body into that little pink bed every night. He can't fit. So, his neck and head hang over it. Claire? I have never seen her in it. She loves her big, roomy doggie bed. And, I love it. I love to see this big dog in a little pink bed. And, this tiny kitty in a big blue bed. Why? Because THEY love it. Why would I deny them happiness if it does no harm?

And, it should not matter if the boys like the pink, girly bed. Or the girls like the blue beds. But, in our society, where gender roles are so polar and defined, personal preferences get lost. I see it changing. Slowly. And, for that, I'm thankful.

People should be able to love whatever and whomever they like. I love boys who like pink.


Peace.

;o)

Trapped in an episode of "Friends"

I think it was announced at the office, in a our weekly meeting, last week that my Dad was killed in a car accident. I had already been gone a week and a half, but most people rarely notice because they are so wrapped up on their own lives. So, everyone knows.

My team knew. They have been through this before with me a little over a year ago. They stick to their work, but listen if I bring it up. Everyone else in the office??? Well, they don't know what to say. So, you get those looks. Do you remember that episode of Friends when Tom Selleck guest starred and talked to Monica? Remember when he talked about being divorced? He said that people cock their heads to the side and say "How ya doing?" That is what I felt like today. Of course, I've been through this before.....so, this time I knew what to expect. The people that I normally talk to, well, they hang around. They want to talk about "it", but they don't want to bring it up. So, they stand there. Akwardly. Waiting. "How ya Doing?"

I love my friends. And, honestly, I don't know how I would handle being friends with someone like me. I have been through, what I hope, is the roughest time of my life. And, it has gone on for years, not days or months, years! SO, I understand. Really. I want to make it easy for everyone. And, I know.....this too shall pass.

If you are reading this......We will get through this. Together. Hang in there. And, I'll love you for it. I mate for life. My friends are my friends for life (liars, betrayers, and flakes need not apply).

Thanks for being my friend.


;-l

Daddy's Hands

This was one of the songs we played at my Dad's funeral:

I remember Daddy´s hands, folded silently in prayer.

And reaching out to hold me, when I had a nightmare.

You could read quite a story, in the callouses and lines.

Years of work and worry had left their mark behind.

I remember Daddy´s hands, how they held my Mama tight,

And patted my back, for something done right.

There are things that I´ve forgotten, that I loved about the man,

But I´ll always remember the love in Daddy´s hands.

Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin´.

Daddy´s hands, were hard as steel when I´d done wrong.

Daddy´s hands, weren´t always gentle But I´ve come to understand.

There was always love in Daddy´s hands.

I remember Daddy´s hands, working 'til they bled.

Sacrificed unselfishly, just to keep us all fed.

If I could do things over, I´d live my life again.

And never take for granted the love in Daddy´s hands.

Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin´.

Daddy´s hands, were hard as steel when I´d done wrong.

Daddy´s hands, weren´t always gentle But I´ve come to understand.

There was always love in Daddy´s hands.

Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin´.

Daddy´s hands, were hard as steel when I´d done wrong.

Daddy´s hands, weren´t always gentle But I´ve come to understand.

There was always love

.....In Daddy´s hands.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nX4QVGykIA4

:-(

Angels

Do you believe in Angels?

On June 1, 2009, My Dad packed his suitcase and put his dog, Bailey, in the car to begin his long drive to Dallas TX. He was driving to visit me. First, he was driving to Springfield MO to pick up my sister Sherri and nephew Ethan. He was going to leave at 5 am. And, I believe he did. Around 6:50 am, he drove off the road in Lowry City, MO and crashed his car. He and Bailey did not survive the crash. We believe he either fell asleep at the wheel or suffered a diabetic coma. He never corrected his car once leaving the road. There was a couple following my dad on that road. They were going to pick up their daughter from college. The followed him for about 50 miles. They passed him, he passed them, they passed him....several times. My Dad's car went off the road and he was ejected from the car. The couple stopped. She was a nurse and ran to my Dad and yelled at her husband to get the woman out of the car. She was still in the car. However, there was no woman in the car???? When she passed my dad several times, she saw a woman in the passenger seat. This woman?? This woman looked like my Mom. My Mom passed away with Pancreatic Cancer in February 2008.

So, do you believe in Angels?


:-?

A Special Day

Nancy was born March 3, 1946, in Independence, Mo., the daughter of Robert and Mildred Long Hurst. She was reared in Independence and had lived in Kearney 15 years. On June 15, 1968 in Independence, she married Earl Glenn Turner. Together they shared 39 years of marriage. For a number of years she owned and operated Nancy's Beauty Salon in Independence. In 1987, Nancy retired from salon work and began a career as a travel agent for All Points Travel and later World Wide Travel. Nancy was a graduate of Van Horn High School. She was preceded in death by her parents and brother Bob Hurst. She is survived by her husband Glenn of the home, three daughters, Dana Rowe and her husband Darren, Lee's Summit, Mo., Kim Turner, Dallas Texas, and Sherri Boyd and her husband Mark, Republic, Mo.; grandchildren Dalton and Dayton Rowe and Ethan Boyd, and a sister, Sandra Wilson, Mesquite, Texas.

And, her legacy lives on......


A VERY SPECIAL DAY, INDEED!!!





I love you and miss you!

;-(

Damn Tree Hugger

I love trees. I especially love pictures of trees. I have several hanging up in my place and constantly want more. My true soft spot is the pictures of a tree alone on the landscape in the winter with bare branches. There is something very peaceful about a tree. Is it the long history? Survival? Letting go of the fall leaves and embracing change? Settling in for winter and ultimately a quiet renewal? Maybe, it's the flexibility of the branches swaying in the wind?


There used to be a tree in the backyard of my childhood home. I would spend hours climbing that tree. There was my special spot that I remember with such fondness. It wasn't a big tree. But, it was comfortable. It was my place to escape. No one else in my family could climb that tree. It was mine. All mine. I guess I carry a piece of that tree with me everywhere I go. It's my history. It's my survival. It's my letting go. It's my flexibility. It's my winter renewal. It's me embracing change while setting roots.

It's me.

;0)

A good day. A sad day.

Momoso went to his new home today. I stopped by the shelter to get his microchip. The first time they tried to put it in him, it didn't work. So, she got someone else to help. He peed on the desk. What is happening? He started shaking. And, I couldn't help him feel safe. Then, he was gone. I know he is going to a great new home in a few short hours. I know he will be loved and spoiled. I know he will have a great life. I know this 100%. I just worry that he doesn't understand why I left him at the shelter today. Why did he get this painful shot and put in a cage. Why did I leave him??!! He loved me uncondtionally...in the truest sense of the word. He trusts that I would not put him in harms way. He trusts that I will pick the right person. He walks into his new life full of hope...hope that I made the right decision. That is what I think about tonight. I also picture him running around his new place, playing, sleeping and having the time of his life. What a difficult day for me. But, I am not they one to be worried about. Little Momo. I hope he has a great day. And, a wonderful, carefree life full of love.


;-) ;-(

My Aunt

As I finish celebrating my 36th birthday, I take a little time to reflect on my last 36 years. Ok, not all 36 years, but some of it! Geez! I take a little time to watch the world around me. I read the well wishes of my friends and family. I appreciate the gifts given and the cards sent. I take in the foods that were bought and made for me. I feel loved. And, as I try to engrave these feelings and memories in my heart and mind, I remember that my Aunt Bev is sick and lying in the hospital. Struck with Cancer. Once again, our family has to fight this terrible disease (when will it end? let's find a cure!). My Aunt has to feel the pain of sickness and fight a horrific fight. With all my heart, I wish I could wrap my arms around her and make the cancer go away. With all my soul, I wish the pain would subside. With every breath I take, I wish her peace and love. I am sending every positive thought that was sent to me this week to my very special, very kind, very awesome Aunt. I wish you well with everything inside me.

;-(

And these are the tail wags of our lives.....

One of those bad days. I shut the door to my bedroom and wanted some alone time. Riley was waiting for me right outside the door. Tail wagging. Awwww. What bad day??!!





;-)

These Three Days

We have a three day weekend and I am very happy for that. If you ask me, I think we should always have three day weekends. I just can't seem to get enough done during the week, so I try to stuff it all in on the weekend. But, I also like to use the weekend for de-stress time. Time to relax and forget about the last week. When you are so busy on the weekend, you tend to let the relax time go by the wayside. I'm going to use tomorrow as my relax day. I have to finish my book for book club on Wednesday, so that will be my only task tomorrow. Yesterday, I worked the Adopt A Pet event at PetSmart. I think we had a good day. I'm thinking we got about 4 applications, so hopefully a few of our doggies will find homes soon. Today is cleaning day, grocery day and birthday lunch day. My sweet family is taking me out for my birthday. Since my book club meeting falls on my actual birthday, we are going today. Japenese Steakhouse. Mmmmm. I love that place. Then, I'll stop by the grocery store on the way home. Yuck. I hate grocery shopping. I'll close out the day with much needed cleaning and laundry. Exciting. Woohoo.

I have three days off and this is all I can think of doing? Lame.

;-)

There is NO place like HOME

If you are from my hometown of Independence, Missouri.....or not....check it out:

My Hometown


;-)

525,948.766

It has been one year since my Mom passed away with pancreatic cancer. I remember it like it was yesterday. I miss her terribly. I miss her smile. I miss her goofiness. I miss her kindness. I miss the way she loved her precious boys. I miss her confidence in my success. I miss talking to her. I miss cuddling with her. I miss her laugh. I miss her stories. I miss her made up words. I miss her innocence. I miss her love. I miss her hugs. I miss her happiness. I hearing her call me Kimmy. I miss her honesty. I miss compassion. I miss her only wish for her loved ones was to be happy. I miss her soul. I miss her rooting for the underdogs. I miss her voice on the other end of a phone. I miss her knowing how I feel before I said a word. I miss my best friend.


I miss my Mom!!

You can only have one mother
Patient kind and true;
No other friend in all the world,
Will be the same to you.

When other friends forsake you,
To mother you will return,
For all her loving kindness,
She asks nothing in return.

As we look upon her picture,
Sweet memories we recall,
Of a face so full of sunshine,
And a smile for one and all.

Sweet Jesus, take this message,
To our dear mother up above;
Tell her how we miss her,
And give her all our love.

- Irish Funeral Prayer



I Heart My Mom Forever!!


525,948.766 minutes in one year


;-(

Weekend Update

So, I survived another week at work. More layoffs this week. And, we are expected to roll with it. I have said that I'm not going to worry about it, but I know I am. My night guard for my teeth is getting an extra work out from my teeth grinding. My muscles are tight around my neck and I'm just tired as hell. I have to do my taxes. I tried to e-file, but got rejected because someone else has filed with my social security number. What the H? I called the IRS. Umm, no help. I just have to send it in old school style and let them figure it out. She said worst case, someone has stole your identity. Yeah, no worries there-useless, piece of crap- lady on the other end of the phone that was waiting to take her break and needed to get me off the phone. Whatever! Plus, the anniversary of my Mom's death is coming up and she has been on my mind a lot lately. In fact, I remember that I had a dream about her last night. I don't remember the premise or storyline. She was really young, so I must have been a kid in the dream. Subconsciously, I know there is a lot going on.

Not a lot planned for the weekend. I have to take Momoso to vet in the morning to get his rabies shot so he can attend the Adopt a Pet event tomorrow at PetSmart. I'll work that event, too. I also started the "The Blind Assassin" by Margaret Atwood for my book club meeting in February. And, I need to finish reading the latest Steve Berry book. I hope to get a lot of reading done this weekend. And, a little extra sleep. It sounds pretty boring to most, but not spending money and a relaxing stress free weekend?? Ahhh.

I'm going to go read and get lost in another world, cuz mine is stressing me out!

;-(

Momoso

I found this dog wandering around my courtyard at my apartment complex. I was walking my dog and he just came up to us and started playing with Riley. I waited for the owners for a long time, but it was getting cold. So, I got him to follow us back to my place. He walked right into my apartment and make himself at home. He wasn't underfed. He needed a bath and had a few mats, but I could tell this was someone's dog. He had a collar, but no tags. So, the next day, I went to the complex office and told them. No one had reported their dog missing. So, I put up some signs around the complex and posted a couple ads online. I took him to the shelter I work at and had him tested for heartworm. He was negative. I gave him a bath and a friend helped cut some of the mats. Two days later, I'm walking out my door taking the dogs for a walk and a neighbor see us and said, "you found Momoso". I asked if he was her dog and she said no, but he was this girl on the second floor. I told my neighbor to tell the girl I have her dog. No one shows up to claim him. I find out that this girl doesn't want him now. She said that since he was happy with me, I could keep him. Ok, she did not "lose" her dog. I suspect she dumped him and he found his way home. I think the best thing for little Momoso is that I found him. He is now going to be up for adoption at the shelter. We are going to find him a way better home! He is the sweetest dog. My cat doesn't like him, but he doesn't chase her. He plays with my jealous dog like a brother. He is right by me always. I go to the kitchen, he follows and lays down. I go to the bedroom, he follows. In fact, he is laying right by my feet as I type this. I'm glad I found this little lost dog. And, I hope he has a happy little doggy life.

Umm, some people suck!

;-(

Ben Franklin Wasn't Kidding

The economy continues to cause worry and anxiety around the world. The news is all about the nasty economy. And, there is no end in sight. It's only going to get worse. Or, so "they" say. The job loss last year was 2.6 million people in the US. This is the worst job loss since 1945. 19-freakin-45. Ok, I grew up with pretty frugal parents. So, I should know how to do it. But, it's hard! Really. I'm from the credit card, instant satisfaction era. I want it and I want it now. Yesterday reminded me that the threat of losing my job is real and ever present. My company lay offed 10% of its workforce worldwide. I watched two people on my team get called into the office, come out and pack up their desk. It was awkward and uncomfortable. It made your stomach turn. It scares the hell out of you. You don't want your phone to ring. You feel terrible for the ones that lost their jobs, yet you feel a sigh of relief that it wasn't you. This time. Suddenly, in one crazy, stressful day you realize how willing you are to give up your movie channels and monthly massages. Pinching pennies and cutting expenses is my mantra right now.

;-(

Say NO to Resolutions

Just say NO!

I think I heard the average resolution is tossed out by the end of January. And, this creates a sense of failure. It's a vicious cycle. This year, no resolutions for me. I think what I'm going to do this year is say "yes" more. I saw the movie "Yes Man" with Jim Carrey last week. And, It was an pretty good movie and I really related to it. So, I've decided that I'm going to say "yes" more to life. I think you get so comfortable in your protective cocoon that you begin to shut out the world. So, like Obama on the campaign trail....

"Yes, I can".

;0)