Liar, Liar

In January of 2006, I got the phone call.

Cancer.

But, the doctors told us it wasn't. Sucker punch to the stomach. It is hard to remember the "me" before that phone call. I drove home that Friday. A month later, I wanted to spend my birthday with my family and be with her. Day one of my my Mom's chemo, Monday. Driving back to Dallas, I was hit by a semi-truck and totaled my new car with my aunt in the car. The next day? My sister was t-boned on a highway. Her car also totaled. The chemo was working. My dad needed knee surgery. She said do it now. He had the surgery. But, he could not come out of the anesthesia. He had lithium toxicity. No one knew. He was dying. Come home. What? My mom is the one with terminal cancer. Two months later, a nurse saw it. He was saved! The knee surgery never worked. No therapy. She had to carry on. Christmas. Winter. Ice. She put salt down. She fell and broke her hip. The phone call. The pins in her hip caused her to postpone the chemo. She heeled. Back to normal. But, my grandma died. Back home. The chemo ate her skin. My Mom cried that she had to wear house shoes to her funeral. Visit to Dallas for Thanksgiving. She was so tired and cold. Christmas. She needed blood. Mom and Dad missed Christmas Eve. We carried on for the grand kids (because that is what she wanted). January, back in the hospital. I drove home. She looked good and was positive. Back to Dallas. Two days later, I got the call. My sister. Come home. Fly into KC Thursday morning. She let go, at home surrounded by family and friends, on Saturday. Lost. We carried on for Dad. Summer, sister called. Dad had a heart attack. He needed open heart surgery since five of his arteries were clodded. Again, he had trouble recovering. He needs to go to a nursing home. Huh?! I went home. He got better. His brother died. Why?! We don't know. It was so sudden. My aunt's cancer is back; one year from the exact date of my mom's death. Confirmed. She is so young. Dad is coming to Dallas for a visit. The text from my sister...have you heard from Dad? NO! He (and Bailey-their dog) had a car accident two hours from home. Mom came and got him. We never saw him again. Back to work. But, Aunt Bev is not doing well. The cancer has spread. I want to say good-bye. I was so close.

Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Breathe. Just breathe.

I know people have wondered. They have looked at me like I was making this stuff up. This was my life for the past couple of years. I was lost and on auto-pilot. I can't imagine what the it was like to meet me in the middle of all of this; never knowing the me before all this "life" happened.

For those that have been there for everyone of these moments, I heart you. I have soooo much love for each and everyone of you. You will never know how much you mean to me! The new "me" is finding her way. Watch out! I will carry on!

You have to experience darkness to truly appreciate the light.


;o)