I had my first full blown panic attack in the UK a few weeks ago. I've had anxiety before. I've been stressed out and felt panicky. But, nothing like this. I think it was a combination of a lot of factors that lead to this attack. I was tired. I was overwhelmed. I was stuck underground on a packed train while 20 more people pushed on. I was frustrated. I had a beautiful vision of what my trip to London was going to look like and this was not it!! I don't remember what I was thinking. I really don't remember what I was feeling either. I think most of my conscious awareness had already shut down at this point. I was with three very dear friends who pulled me off the train at the next stop. I remember not being able to breathe. I couldn't catch my breath. It was scary not being able to fully breathe on my own. I felt so out of control. Tears were streaming down my face. I couldn't stop them. I couldn't think. I couldn't feel. I couldn't breathe.
And, then, it was over. Just like that. A little confused. But, over.
A day later, we had to go down into the Tube again for another ride. My body felt the impending doom. My body knew before I consciously knew. I was walking towards my friends on a platform and my body started to shake uncontrollably. I couldn't stop it. HERE WE GO AGIAN. I tried to talk my body "down". Everything is fine. My friends are here. My body refused to be talked to. I couldn't think anymore. I couldn't stop anything that was happening. The next thing I remember was my friend hugging me. Holding me. Tears running down my face, I was being held.
OK. I'm OK.
I'll never know what energy was trying to escape my body. I don't think I'll fully understand what happened to me and why. What I do know and will always remember is that the people you surround yourself with are so very important. From the friend the dragged me off the train to the friend that hummed to calm me down to the friend that held me on the platform....I AM GRATEFUL.
Whatever my expectations of London were, I was violently reminded that I'm not in control. But, while I'm on this out of control ride called Life, I have the most beautiful souls riding along with me. Watching out for me. Holding me. Loving me. And, I don't know if I ever felt more safe than on that platform in the London Tube.
It has taken me a while to see the beauty in those moments. I completely shut down after the first attack. But, after much time and processing, I can now see. There was no PANIC in the UK. Just me finding out that there really is nothing to be scared of in the first place.....
Monday, October 21, 2019
Sunday, June 16, 2019
The Heart Brain Connection
A discovery in 1991 found concentrated cells in the heart (40,000 cells) that learn independently of the cells in our brain. These neurons form a special communication network within the heart. These cells act without the need to be directed by the brain. They can, however, act in concert with the brain if there is something called "coherence". So, basically, you have a "brain" in your heart. The HeartMath Institute researches the connection to the heart. During a research project conducted by the HeartMath Institute, it was found that participants could predict the "feeling" of a picture 20 seconds before the participants were shown the picture. The heart would then notify the brain and the physical reaction would then be sent out by the brain. Your heart knows what is going to happen before your brain does. And, it knows it before the event actually happens.
There is a shift happening in our way of living. A shift that is moving us to live more by the heart. A shift to open our hearts. It is believed that if you can find a way to connect into the heart and gain coherence with the brain, we will then have a conduit to our subconscious. When you have direct access to our subconscious, you will have the ability to self heal and allow access to deep intuition. Who wouldn't want that?
I think us humans have a lot more gifts that we don't use. We truly have superpowers. However, we have been taught that we don't. Since birth, we have been ingrained with beliefs about the world around us. And, to be honest, a lot of those limited beliefs stem from fear and used as a form of control. We have to break free of those beliefs and understand what we are capable of as humans. Before we can access our gifts, we must change our limited belief systems. Then, we can begin to connect the heart and the brain.
So, what next? How do we do it? How do we get heart brain connection?
About a year ago, I was in a very stressful situation at work. And, I used a technique from the HeartMath Institute to immediately change the perceptions I was having. Truly, I saw the world around me change when I was in coherence. It was just a subtle shift to move out of my brain which would take me down a rabbit hold of fear and move into my heart which what full of love and trust.
Try this technique:
1. Move your awareness to your heart. Imagine your breath is coming in through your heart and out through your heart. Watch as your breath starts to slow down.
2. Think of someone or something that immediately brings you a feeling of appreciation or unconditional love....like a child or pet or a time in nature, for example. And, just stay in the space of your heart.
That's it! Pretty simple. Maybe 5 or 10 minutes. Just stay in the heart space.
Now that I'm no longer in the stressful situation, I don't use this technique on a regular basis. And, that is unfortunate because it was so very powerful when I used this technique in the past. I think the key to finding a heart brain conference is consistency. Something I need to work on myself. I'm going to set a reminder on my phone to spend a few minutes every day in a heart brain coherence. Perhaps that is something you might want to try too?? Even if you don't do this every day, it may help you move out of a stressful or panic situation. Reach back out and tell me how your world is changing with this technique.
There is a shift happening in our way of living. A shift that is moving us to live more by the heart. A shift to open our hearts. It is believed that if you can find a way to connect into the heart and gain coherence with the brain, we will then have a conduit to our subconscious. When you have direct access to our subconscious, you will have the ability to self heal and allow access to deep intuition. Who wouldn't want that?
I think us humans have a lot more gifts that we don't use. We truly have superpowers. However, we have been taught that we don't. Since birth, we have been ingrained with beliefs about the world around us. And, to be honest, a lot of those limited beliefs stem from fear and used as a form of control. We have to break free of those beliefs and understand what we are capable of as humans. Before we can access our gifts, we must change our limited belief systems. Then, we can begin to connect the heart and the brain.
So, what next? How do we do it? How do we get heart brain connection?
About a year ago, I was in a very stressful situation at work. And, I used a technique from the HeartMath Institute to immediately change the perceptions I was having. Truly, I saw the world around me change when I was in coherence. It was just a subtle shift to move out of my brain which would take me down a rabbit hold of fear and move into my heart which what full of love and trust.
Try this technique:
1. Move your awareness to your heart. Imagine your breath is coming in through your heart and out through your heart. Watch as your breath starts to slow down.
2. Think of someone or something that immediately brings you a feeling of appreciation or unconditional love....like a child or pet or a time in nature, for example. And, just stay in the space of your heart.
That's it! Pretty simple. Maybe 5 or 10 minutes. Just stay in the heart space.
Now that I'm no longer in the stressful situation, I don't use this technique on a regular basis. And, that is unfortunate because it was so very powerful when I used this technique in the past. I think the key to finding a heart brain conference is consistency. Something I need to work on myself. I'm going to set a reminder on my phone to spend a few minutes every day in a heart brain coherence. Perhaps that is something you might want to try too?? Even if you don't do this every day, it may help you move out of a stressful or panic situation. Reach back out and tell me how your world is changing with this technique.
Monday, May 20, 2019
How to Not Die Being Vulnerable
Is it just me or does the idea of being vulnerable make you squirm? The dictionary definition of vulnerable is susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm. That, my friends, does not sound like fun AT ALL. I found this definition someone provided on Urban Dictionary quite intriguing:
"Someone who is completely and rawly open, unguarded with their heart, mind and soul. Being vulnerable happens when you trust completely. Rather its vulnerability by pain or joy, it's being exposed with all the emotions that make it easy for someone (someone you trust) to really do some emotional damage or healing. Vulnerability is the surrender of all control and personal power in regards to letting someone close enough to destroy you"
Letting someone close enough to destroy you? Hmmmm. Why the hell would I want to be vulnerable? I'm just picturing a villain in a movie....."I will destroy you". No thanks. I'm going to re-watch the Ted talk by Brene Brown, "The Power of Vulnerability"(link below) I'm a big fan of Brene, but it doesn't mean that I've fully accepted and applied her theory that vulnerability is powerful.
According to Brene, there is a lot more to vulnerability than just being vulnerable. There is a sense of worthiness, connection, authenticity, courage, shame, fear. Yep, I need to work on all of these things. Most people, like me, try to avoid feeling vulnerable due being judged, feeling pain or failure. Those are not comfortable feelings to most people.
I've re-written this blog several times over the last few weeks. It's interesting how life gave me a great big chance to be vulnerable as I was trying to write about vulnerability. The universe has quite the sense of humor. I got in a fight with a friend a few weeks ago. We apologized immediately and "made up". But, later, I had a complete meltdown. Fear came up big time. Fear of being destroyed as the writer mentioned on Urban Dictionary. You know what I completely missed from the above definition...."make it easy for someone you trust to really do some emotional...HEALING". I was so focused on the "damage" that I missed the "healing". When I go back and look at the argument, I see all of this being about vulnerability. Everyone is looking for that connection with one another. And, as Brene stated in the video, in order for connection to happen, you have to be really seen. I think my friend and I were just shouting at each other to "see me".
For me, truly being seen is really scary. It's so interesting that I'm shouting to be seen and afraid to let people really see me at the same time. I'm complicated. But, really I think what is more scary than being seen is being numb. And, I've been numb for a very long time. When I couldn't numb myself, I used food and alcohol to help me out. You can't selectively shut down fear without shutting down all the "good" emotions too. I want the joy. I want the love. I want the happiness. But, shutting down all the fears, shuts down everything too.
Daring greatly means the courage to BE VULNERABLE.
It means to show up and be seen.
To ask for what you need.
To talk about how you're feeling.
To have the hard conversations.
-Brene Brown
I needed to talk to my friend and tell her my fears. Not the stuff we argued about. Because I think the real stuff we didn't say during the argument was the fears. I needed her to see my pain and fear. There was a moment when I thought it wasn't going to work out. There was a moment that I felt like I was going to get destroyed. But, I wasn't. And, it worked out. I suspect her and I will be closer now. There is a new understanding on my part too. I know her a little bit better after all of this. And, I also know me a little bit better, too! There was no emotional damage that happened by being vulnerable with her. There was some major emotional healing that happened. And, that never would've happened had I not leaned into vulnerability.
Jump in the deep end. Lean into life. The human experience has a vast array of emotions that we get to feel. And, when you can feel them all, that's when you can truly say you've lived.
How not to die by being vulnerable you ask? You can't. I think you die a little each time you are vulnerable. But, it's your ego that dies. Not you. Not your soul.
So, Jump. Lean. Feel. Live. And, and try to LOVE every minute of it.
Check out Brene Brown's video below:
https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en
"Someone who is completely and rawly open, unguarded with their heart, mind and soul. Being vulnerable happens when you trust completely. Rather its vulnerability by pain or joy, it's being exposed with all the emotions that make it easy for someone (someone you trust) to really do some emotional damage or healing. Vulnerability is the surrender of all control and personal power in regards to letting someone close enough to destroy you"
Letting someone close enough to destroy you? Hmmmm. Why the hell would I want to be vulnerable? I'm just picturing a villain in a movie....."I will destroy you". No thanks. I'm going to re-watch the Ted talk by Brene Brown, "The Power of Vulnerability"(link below) I'm a big fan of Brene, but it doesn't mean that I've fully accepted and applied her theory that vulnerability is powerful.
According to Brene, there is a lot more to vulnerability than just being vulnerable. There is a sense of worthiness, connection, authenticity, courage, shame, fear. Yep, I need to work on all of these things. Most people, like me, try to avoid feeling vulnerable due being judged, feeling pain or failure. Those are not comfortable feelings to most people.
I've re-written this blog several times over the last few weeks. It's interesting how life gave me a great big chance to be vulnerable as I was trying to write about vulnerability. The universe has quite the sense of humor. I got in a fight with a friend a few weeks ago. We apologized immediately and "made up". But, later, I had a complete meltdown. Fear came up big time. Fear of being destroyed as the writer mentioned on Urban Dictionary. You know what I completely missed from the above definition...."make it easy for someone you trust to really do some emotional...HEALING". I was so focused on the "damage" that I missed the "healing". When I go back and look at the argument, I see all of this being about vulnerability. Everyone is looking for that connection with one another. And, as Brene stated in the video, in order for connection to happen, you have to be really seen. I think my friend and I were just shouting at each other to "see me".
For me, truly being seen is really scary. It's so interesting that I'm shouting to be seen and afraid to let people really see me at the same time. I'm complicated. But, really I think what is more scary than being seen is being numb. And, I've been numb for a very long time. When I couldn't numb myself, I used food and alcohol to help me out. You can't selectively shut down fear without shutting down all the "good" emotions too. I want the joy. I want the love. I want the happiness. But, shutting down all the fears, shuts down everything too.
Daring greatly means the courage to BE VULNERABLE.
It means to show up and be seen.
To ask for what you need.
To talk about how you're feeling.
To have the hard conversations.
-Brene Brown
I needed to talk to my friend and tell her my fears. Not the stuff we argued about. Because I think the real stuff we didn't say during the argument was the fears. I needed her to see my pain and fear. There was a moment when I thought it wasn't going to work out. There was a moment that I felt like I was going to get destroyed. But, I wasn't. And, it worked out. I suspect her and I will be closer now. There is a new understanding on my part too. I know her a little bit better after all of this. And, I also know me a little bit better, too! There was no emotional damage that happened by being vulnerable with her. There was some major emotional healing that happened. And, that never would've happened had I not leaned into vulnerability.
Jump in the deep end. Lean into life. The human experience has a vast array of emotions that we get to feel. And, when you can feel them all, that's when you can truly say you've lived.
How not to die by being vulnerable you ask? You can't. I think you die a little each time you are vulnerable. But, it's your ego that dies. Not you. Not your soul.
So, Jump. Lean. Feel. Live. And, and try to LOVE every minute of it.
Check out Brene Brown's video below:
https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en
Saturday, May 4, 2019
It's a Journey
I decided to start blogging again. I don't know how long it will last this time. But, I have almost 20 topics that I want to explore. I've spent the last two to three years on a journey that I never expected. But, it's been perfect in every way. Almost four years ago, I manifested an inflammatory disease. But, I also manifested an allergy to anti-inflammation medication. So, I had to seek alternatives to pain management. I went looking for anything and everything that could help take the pain away. I didn't know where I was about to be lead. I never expected to be here. But, today, I'm happier and healthier than I've been in a very long time. And, it's not because I found a magic pill. I've awakened to a new way to see the world. I've awakened to a new understanding of myself and my purpose. I've found and continue to find my soul tribe. And, I've evolved in ways that are both profound and exhilarating. It's been an unexpected but very exciting journey. And, I grasp that my journey is far from over. I'm still learning to find new ways to be healthier. I'm still working on removing the layers and layers of protection I've wrapped myself in to avoid pain. I am a work in progress. But, progress is what I've made.
Over the last few years, I've taken many classes about things I had never heard of before. Each time I learn something new, I find there are about ten more things that I need to learn and understand. I've learned that your thoughts are powerful and you attract on your level of beliefs. I've learned about energy and vibrations and how they move through our bodies continually. I've learned that everything and everyone is connected. I've learned the importance of self love and how everything begins at your level of self worth. I've learned emotions (Energy in Motion) get stuck in the body that cause dis-ease. I want write about things that I'm not an expert on, but want to learn more. As I explore these topics without any kind of assumed authority, I hope to share with you my new passions. Maybe as I move through the topics, new topics will emerge and the list will continue to grow.
As I dig deeper into these topics and questions, I will write from my perspective. And, I know that it won't be the same as yours. What I hope is that I write about something that sparks a little interest for you to go explore on your own. Then, as you gain a better understanding, you can provide your own perspective. And, we can share and grow and learn together. I'm also very aware that my soul tribe has many expects and maybe you can share your wisdom with me as well.
I will never claim to be a great writer. But, as I compose my thoughts in a written form, I find I learn more about the topic and dig deeper to find new ways to see something. Read, comment or send me a DM. I love talking about these topics. I love to hear different perspectives. I'm sharing with you. I hope you feel comfortable to share with me too.
Let's get weird together! We are in this together.
It's a Journey
.....a beautiful and exciting journey. Walk with me.
UP NEXT: Vulnerability. I'm starting with a topic that is very difficult for me. So, let's just jump in the deep in together, yeah?! Vulnerability has been something that has been in my orbit strongly the past few weeks. So, I want to start where I'm at now.
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