THE HEART OF LIFE
by john mayer
I hate to see you cry
Laying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good
You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
But then the circle of your firends
Will defend the silver lining
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good
I know it's good
Smiling as I write...."I'm good."
Really!
;o)
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Liar, Liar
In January of 2006, I got the phone call.
Cancer.
But, the doctors told us it wasn't. Sucker punch to the stomach. It is hard to remember the "me" before that phone call. I drove home that Friday. A month later, I wanted to spend my birthday with my family and be with her. Day one of my my Mom's chemo, Monday. Driving back to Dallas, I was hit by a semi-truck and totaled my new car with my aunt in the car. The next day? My sister was t-boned on a highway. Her car also totaled. The chemo was working. My dad needed knee surgery. She said do it now. He had the surgery. But, he could not come out of the anesthesia. He had lithium toxicity. No one knew. He was dying. Come home. What? My mom is the one with terminal cancer. Two months later, a nurse saw it. He was saved! The knee surgery never worked. No therapy. She had to carry on. Christmas. Winter. Ice. She put salt down. She fell and broke her hip. The phone call. The pins in her hip caused her to postpone the chemo. She heeled. Back to normal. But, my grandma died. Back home. The chemo ate her skin. My Mom cried that she had to wear house shoes to her funeral. Visit to Dallas for Thanksgiving. She was so tired and cold. Christmas. She needed blood. Mom and Dad missed Christmas Eve. We carried on for the grand kids (because that is what she wanted). January, back in the hospital. I drove home. She looked good and was positive. Back to Dallas. Two days later, I got the call. My sister. Come home. Fly into KC Thursday morning. She let go, at home surrounded by family and friends, on Saturday. Lost. We carried on for Dad. Summer, sister called. Dad had a heart attack. He needed open heart surgery since five of his arteries were clodded. Again, he had trouble recovering. He needs to go to a nursing home. Huh?! I went home. He got better. His brother died. Why?! We don't know. It was so sudden. My aunt's cancer is back; one year from the exact date of my mom's death. Confirmed. She is so young. Dad is coming to Dallas for a visit. The text from my sister...have you heard from Dad? NO! He (and Bailey-their dog) had a car accident two hours from home. Mom came and got him. We never saw him again. Back to work. But, Aunt Bev is not doing well. The cancer has spread. I want to say good-bye. I was so close.
Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Breathe. Just breathe.
I know people have wondered. They have looked at me like I was making this stuff up. This was my life for the past couple of years. I was lost and on auto-pilot. I can't imagine what the it was like to meet me in the middle of all of this; never knowing the me before all this "life" happened.
For those that have been there for everyone of these moments, I heart you. I have soooo much love for each and everyone of you. You will never know how much you mean to me! The new "me" is finding her way. Watch out! I will carry on!
You have to experience darkness to truly appreciate the light.
;o)
Cancer.
But, the doctors told us it wasn't. Sucker punch to the stomach. It is hard to remember the "me" before that phone call. I drove home that Friday. A month later, I wanted to spend my birthday with my family and be with her. Day one of my my Mom's chemo, Monday. Driving back to Dallas, I was hit by a semi-truck and totaled my new car with my aunt in the car. The next day? My sister was t-boned on a highway. Her car also totaled. The chemo was working. My dad needed knee surgery. She said do it now. He had the surgery. But, he could not come out of the anesthesia. He had lithium toxicity. No one knew. He was dying. Come home. What? My mom is the one with terminal cancer. Two months later, a nurse saw it. He was saved! The knee surgery never worked. No therapy. She had to carry on. Christmas. Winter. Ice. She put salt down. She fell and broke her hip. The phone call. The pins in her hip caused her to postpone the chemo. She heeled. Back to normal. But, my grandma died. Back home. The chemo ate her skin. My Mom cried that she had to wear house shoes to her funeral. Visit to Dallas for Thanksgiving. She was so tired and cold. Christmas. She needed blood. Mom and Dad missed Christmas Eve. We carried on for the grand kids (because that is what she wanted). January, back in the hospital. I drove home. She looked good and was positive. Back to Dallas. Two days later, I got the call. My sister. Come home. Fly into KC Thursday morning. She let go, at home surrounded by family and friends, on Saturday. Lost. We carried on for Dad. Summer, sister called. Dad had a heart attack. He needed open heart surgery since five of his arteries were clodded. Again, he had trouble recovering. He needs to go to a nursing home. Huh?! I went home. He got better. His brother died. Why?! We don't know. It was so sudden. My aunt's cancer is back; one year from the exact date of my mom's death. Confirmed. She is so young. Dad is coming to Dallas for a visit. The text from my sister...have you heard from Dad? NO! He (and Bailey-their dog) had a car accident two hours from home. Mom came and got him. We never saw him again. Back to work. But, Aunt Bev is not doing well. The cancer has spread. I want to say good-bye. I was so close.
Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Breathe. Just breathe.
I know people have wondered. They have looked at me like I was making this stuff up. This was my life for the past couple of years. I was lost and on auto-pilot. I can't imagine what the it was like to meet me in the middle of all of this; never knowing the me before all this "life" happened.
For those that have been there for everyone of these moments, I heart you. I have soooo much love for each and everyone of you. You will never know how much you mean to me! The new "me" is finding her way. Watch out! I will carry on!
You have to experience darkness to truly appreciate the light.
;o)
Sunday, September 20, 2009
And the wind blows............
I have always told people that I feel my Mom in the wind. It is very odd. I know. But, I do.
Today, my parent's house sold. There are so many conflicting feelings going on inside of me right now. I am happy that it sold and that my sisters and I can get closure. But, I am also very, very sad that it is over. Final! Done! Over! This is it! My sister called and told me that the couple that won the bid was very happy. Apparently, they wanted to buy the house when my parents listed it several years ago. But, alas, they couldn't afford it. Said couple was not married and both had houses of their own. His house sold. Hers? On the market for over two years.
It sold this week.
Coincidence? I don't know. I think that my parents loved this place. I mean L.O.V.E.D. this place. It was their dream house. I don't think they were going to give it to just anyone. The new owners hugged when they won the bid today. She cried. I cried. We cried.
And, the wind blows................
;o)(
Today, my parent's house sold. There are so many conflicting feelings going on inside of me right now. I am happy that it sold and that my sisters and I can get closure. But, I am also very, very sad that it is over. Final! Done! Over! This is it! My sister called and told me that the couple that won the bid was very happy. Apparently, they wanted to buy the house when my parents listed it several years ago. But, alas, they couldn't afford it. Said couple was not married and both had houses of their own. His house sold. Hers? On the market for over two years.
It sold this week.
Coincidence? I don't know. I think that my parents loved this place. I mean L.O.V.E.D. this place. It was their dream house. I don't think they were going to give it to just anyone. The new owners hugged when they won the bid today. She cried. I cried. We cried.
And, the wind blows................
;o)(
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
I heart Taylor Swift
Kanye West is a Douche. But, the way to reinforce childish-immature behavior is to give him the attention he is seeking. So, instead of talking about what an immature asshole KW is, I will discuss Taylor Swift. I heart Taylor Swift. I admittedly like some of her songs. Really. They are fun. But, mostly, I like the person. When asked what her thoughts of last night:
"Well, I was standing on stage because I was really excited because I had just won the award. And then I was really excited because Kanye West was on stage. And then I wasn't so excited anymore after that."
And, does she harbor any ill-will:
"I don't know him, and I've never met him, so… I don't want to start anything because I had a great night tonight."
Classy.
It IS really sad that a 19 year old girl has more maturity and class than a grown ass man. I hope Taylor continues down this road. I certainly hope she does not take the path of Train-wreck Lindsay or Brittany. She's just a teen-aged girl full of passion. Did you see her rendition of JT's "What goes around?" That girl banged in out on the piano and knocked it out of the park. The girl has a lot of soul. I can't wait to see and hear what she does next. Congrats on the win! Way to go, Taylor Swift!
I'm sorry....kanye who?
;o)
"Well, I was standing on stage because I was really excited because I had just won the award. And then I was really excited because Kanye West was on stage. And then I wasn't so excited anymore after that."
And, does she harbor any ill-will:
"I don't know him, and I've never met him, so… I don't want to start anything because I had a great night tonight."
Classy.
It IS really sad that a 19 year old girl has more maturity and class than a grown ass man. I hope Taylor continues down this road. I certainly hope she does not take the path of Train-wreck Lindsay or Brittany. She's just a teen-aged girl full of passion. Did you see her rendition of JT's "What goes around?" That girl banged in out on the piano and knocked it out of the park. The girl has a lot of soul. I can't wait to see and hear what she does next. Congrats on the win! Way to go, Taylor Swift!
I'm sorry....kanye who?
;o)
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