Is it just me or does the idea of being vulnerable make you squirm? The dictionary definition of vulnerable is susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm. That, my friends, does not sound like fun AT ALL. I found this definition someone provided on Urban Dictionary quite intriguing:
"Someone who is completely and rawly open, unguarded with their heart, mind and soul. Being vulnerable happens when you trust completely. Rather its vulnerability by pain or joy, it's being exposed with all the emotions that make it easy for someone (someone you trust) to really do some emotional damage or healing. Vulnerability is the surrender of all control and personal power in regards to letting someone close enough to destroy you"
Letting someone close enough to destroy you? Hmmmm. Why the hell would I want to be vulnerable? I'm just picturing a villain in a movie....."I will destroy you". No thanks. I'm going to re-watch the Ted talk by Brene Brown, "The Power of Vulnerability"(link below) I'm a big fan of Brene, but it doesn't mean that I've fully accepted and applied her theory that vulnerability is powerful.
According to Brene, there is a lot more to vulnerability than just being vulnerable. There is a sense of worthiness, connection, authenticity, courage, shame, fear. Yep, I need to work on all of these things. Most people, like me, try to avoid feeling vulnerable due being judged, feeling pain or failure. Those are not comfortable feelings to most people.
I've re-written this blog several times over the last few weeks. It's interesting how life gave me a great big chance to be vulnerable as I was trying to write about vulnerability. The universe has quite the sense of humor. I got in a fight with a friend a few weeks ago. We apologized immediately and "made up". But, later, I had a complete meltdown. Fear came up big time. Fear of being destroyed as the writer mentioned on Urban Dictionary. You know what I completely missed from the above definition...."make it easy for someone you trust to really do some emotional...HEALING". I was so focused on the "damage" that I missed the "healing". When I go back and look at the argument, I see all of this being about vulnerability. Everyone is looking for that connection with one another. And, as Brene stated in the video, in order for connection to happen, you have to be really seen. I think my friend and I were just shouting at each other to "see me".
For me, truly being seen is really scary. It's so interesting that I'm shouting to be seen and afraid to let people really see me at the same time. I'm complicated. But, really I think what is more scary than being seen is being numb. And, I've been numb for a very long time. When I couldn't numb myself, I used food and alcohol to help me out. You can't selectively shut down fear without shutting down all the "good" emotions too. I want the joy. I want the love. I want the happiness. But, shutting down all the fears, shuts down everything too.
Daring greatly means the courage to BE VULNERABLE.
It means to show up and be seen.
To ask for what you need.
To talk about how you're feeling.
To have the hard conversations.
-Brene Brown
I needed to talk to my friend and tell her my fears. Not the stuff we argued about. Because I think the real stuff we didn't say during the argument was the fears. I needed her to see my pain and fear. There was a moment when I thought it wasn't going to work out. There was a moment that I felt like I was going to get destroyed. But, I wasn't. And, it worked out. I suspect her and I will be closer now. There is a new understanding on my part too. I know her a little bit better after all of this. And, I also know me a little bit better, too! There was no emotional damage that happened by being vulnerable with her. There was some major emotional healing that happened. And, that never would've happened had I not leaned into vulnerability.
Jump in the deep end. Lean into life. The human experience has a vast array of emotions that we get to feel. And, when you can feel them all, that's when you can truly say you've lived.
How not to die by being vulnerable you ask? You can't. I think you die a little each time you are vulnerable. But, it's your ego that dies. Not you. Not your soul.
So, Jump. Lean. Feel. Live. And, and try to LOVE every minute of it.
Check out Brene Brown's video below:
https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en
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